Feed the baby, put him down for a nap and work. Sounds easy, right?

Here’s how it really goes…..

5am- feed screaming baby

5:32am- go back to bed

6am- change screaming baby who has pooped himself awake

6:27am- baby finally falls back asleep- you make coffee and “go to work”

6:45- get distracted with facebook

7:30- realize 45 minutes has gone by and start responding to work emails, you get exactly 1 sent before……

7:45- Baby is awake and wants to eat NOW.

8:15- Realize your coffee is cold and reheat it.

8:16am- Return to emails, bouncing the baby seat with your foot to keep him content. Congratulations! you just got a second email sent.

8:22am- Celebrate by making breakfast.

8:29am- pick up fussing baby and finish making breakfast 1 handed.

8:43am- sit down to eat one handed. spill at least one bite of breakfast directly on baby’s head. 

8:46am- fussing has increased to full on screaming, decide nap time can’t wait so you swaddle the baby and rock him to sleep.

9:08am- baby is “asleep,” reheat cold coffee and breakfast. 

9:10- replace pacifier when baby cries
9:11- take a bite
9:13- replace pacifier
9:14- take bite
9:16- pick up crying baby who pukes down your shoulder and finally relaxes into sleep
9:20- eat last bite, pour a second cup of coffee and decide yuck, shower needs to come before work.

9:40- get out of shower feeling relaxed and refreshed. leisurely enjoy the fact that the baby is sleeping soundly and casually check your instagram while getting dressed.

10:22- finally sit back down at your computer and look at your to-do list. 

10:23- remember you’re almost out of diapers and get on amazon to order more

10:26- shoot, the baby is crying. 
10:27- try to settle with pacifier
10:29- deem pacifier worthless and nurse baby who falls back asleep 2 seconds later.
10:32- sit back down at computer. solidly work for 36 minutes without getting distracted or on social media!!

11:08- go to the bathroom and realize you’re not sure if you’ve gone since you’ve been awake.
11:09- on the way back from the bathroom you pass the laundry room and realize you’re wearing your last clean pair of underwear and you’ll just toss in a load “real quick.” Spend the next 51 minutes picking up burp rags and haphazardly strewn clothes, pulling the dirty sheets off the bed and checking to make sure the baby is still breathing cause wow! he’s still out.

Congratulations! you made it to noon! You successfully sent 2 emails, ate breakfast, showered, worked for 36 minutes and got a load of laundry in the wash!!!! There has never been a more productive morning. YOU ARE SUPERMOM. oops- baby is crying, lunch time…..